The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Stunning. I finished it in less than 24 hours. Maybe even less than 12 hours and I've got two little kids! Need I say more?

Spoiler alert!

There are a few problems, though. I didn't really like his style of writing. Almost truncated, fragmented thoughts running through the head…this type of thing didn't impress me too much. But I do have to say that I was impressed with the sheer simplicity and brevity in his words. Also, it was getting too dark, with little reprieve from the threats of cannibalism and starvation. By the end of the book, I was convince the good guy the boy ran into after his father’s death was still a bad guy luring the boy away so he can eat him later. There's a part of me that still believe this is the true ending.

But...against such a bleak landscape where almost everyone they meet are out to do them harm, never mind the ash, dust, and lack of food, the love between the man and the boy is awesome in its power to bring hope to such miserable existence. And me, being an eternal optimist, really liked the fact that when they were on the verge of starvation, a slow, agonizing death from what I’ve read, they find food. They will have to go through harrowing ordeal to get the food, but they do. Although it sounds really convenient, I was cheering for them every time they found it. The father’s death was heart-wrenching, but it was coming and the father knew it. It’s agonizing to imagine the thoughts that ran through the father as he drew his last breath – his heart still full of worries for his boy knowing that he won’t be there to protect him for another instant. It must have been a miserable death.

I love this book because it made me think about all kinds of thing I actually try not to think about, especially since I had kids. I can no longer watch movies where kids are killed or kidnapped. Too close to home. And I used to love war movies, but after I had my son, the whole war movie watching experience has been ruined, forever. Every time I watch a war movie, I think about how much love I felt for my little boy and wondered if there was anything that was worth losing his life for. Then I thought about all those mothers, from both sides of conflict, no matter what the conflict was, losing their sons...for what?

Yes. I know theoretically, there are many good reasons to go to war. WWII. And as a Korean, I thank God for all the soldiers who came and fought in the Korean War. Because of their sacrifice, South Korea is thriving today. I know all these things, but I’m not sure I could relinquish his life for any amount of good it would do the world. I am no Mary. I don't think I could ever be Mary or ever want to be.

OK. I’m not Mary, but I still have my brand of faith and hope. I have friends who don't have kids because they think this world is too corrupt, too dangerous, too miserable, but I tell them those are all the more reasons for them to have children. Never mind that they are highly educated, intelligent, and compassionate people. I tell them the sheer act of having a child is a profound act of faith. Maybe their offspring is the one who could change the world, even just a little bit, for the better.

As I was reading the book, I thought about what I would do, with my two children and a husband. There's a part of me that would hang in there until the bitter end, like the man, but I also remember all those men and women enslaved by a gang of thugs who will rape, pillage, and cannibalize whoever they come across. I would never want that kind of existence for my children. A bullet in the head would be so much better than that kind of existence, or would it? I don’t know… If they were alive, there’s still hope of one day escaping and living free, but would a life in a world like that be worth it? It might just lead to lingering death by starvation. Who many awful scenarios to consider…. It would be so easy to do what the woman had done, but it leaves no hope for the future. It's Romeo and Juliet again when all the young people die and there is no hope for the future. This is not a future I want for anyone. I believe there's always hope, even if the sky is falling on you.

What I agonized about was...what if I have to choose between my two children? What if I had just enough food to ensure the survival of one or two die together…. That question haunts me to this day even though I finished reading this book over several weeks ago. I love that it made me ask so many questions. The sad thing is…North Korea has had to deal with devastating famine several times. There were rumors of cannibalism, and older family members choosing to die of starvation so that the younger generation may eat and live. I’ve seen pictures of kids will light brown hair in North Korea and I was asking…biracial? The sad fact was, because they lack nutrients, their hair lost their original color, black. It is chilling to think about their world, and I’m so eternally grateful that I only have to wonder about these things instead of living it.

I think this might make it to my top 10 books. So bleak and dark on the outside, so bright and hopeful on the inside. The boy will carry that fire in his heart for the rest of his life because of the father who planted it. The man with the shot gun will protect this boy and the other two children with his life because not to do that would mean to consign the whole human race to slow but certain extinction. I whooped loudly when the man with the shot gun came by. The world is still good, I shouted.

This book reminded me that the universe will indeed conspire to make your dreams come true (The Alchemist, Paolo Coelho). The glass is always half full.

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho

Last fall, I was in an ESL class giving a book talk on Waiting for Appa. The instructor had decided to use my book to teach the students vocabulary. I gave my talk, covering my immigrant experience and my meandering journey to becoming an author. The audience was awesome. I was so impressed with the tenacity and resilience of the people who were there to learn English AFTER they put a full day of work. I felt silly complaining about my life.

Now, remember, I was there to sell my book (I took 15 books with me). But as I spoke about following your dreams (in my case, being a writer when everything seemed to point to failure) to mostly predominantly Hispanic audience, I remembered a fantastic book I loved (and I knew they could find it in Spanish!). I loved this book so much that when I found it in Spanish after having received an English version as a birthday present in '94 (even the originally version was in Portuguese), I bought it thinking that this book would induce me to revisit my high school Spanish enough to read it (which I figured was closer to the original Portuguese than English). I told the audience about the Alchemist and told them, if they only had enough money to buy one book this month, then instead of buying mine, buy this life-affirming book, which will stay with them long after they finish reading it.

I've tried to read this book at least once every couple of years, and have purchased enough copies for my friends and family to fill a shelf (I even found it in Korean and bought it for my mother). This is one of ten books I'd choose if I was only limited to reading these ten books over and over for the rest of my life. I love this book because it helps me believe in life, in hope, and most importantly, in pursuing dreams.

SPOILER ALERT

My hardback dust jacket started off with..."My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky. "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes it search of its dreams."

I was hooked by those words and eagerly followed Santiago's journey to find his treasure, which had been haunting him in his dreams. On his journey, he made and lost his fortune a couple of times, found the woman of his dreams (he didn't think she existed), and finally arrived at the place of his dreams (Egyptian pyramids) only to realize that the treasure he was seeking was elsewhere. In fact, the treasure was buried where Santiago, as a shepherd before embarking on this adventurous journey, often spent the night. He returned to the place and found his treasure.

I love this book because --

1. He had to make the journey and experience the life that was waiting for him in the world to find his treasure, even though the treasure had been buried at his place of origin all along. The journey itself was almost a part of his treasure.

2. The message that "when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."

3. It helps you realize that life is always, always, half-full.

4. After Santiago gets robbed of his fortune and he considers giving up, he pulls himself up and tells himself, I'm actually two hours closer to the Egyptian pyramids. That's more than he thought he could accomplish, just a short while ago. No matter what happens, don't give up. The universe is conspiring with you to make your dreams come true.

5. It makes me realize that things take time. Patience is not a virtue, but a must (this is always such a challenge for me). That the journey of life is never straight forward. In fact, life is richer because of all the detours we are forced to take.

6. I learn/realize something new about my life every time I read it.

7. It gives me hope and the courage to ask God for one more miracle in my life (there's always one more, isn't there?).

I'm at a point in my life where I often feel discouraged about my first book (Waiting for Appa), and anxiously wait for agents' responses on my second book while trying to look for a job that will keep me at home with my kids most of the time instead of traveling on business. So, I've read this book once again, hoping that it'd give me the courage to dream and ask the universe to conspire with me.

I simply love this book, but Paolo Coelho's other books were disappointments for me. I guess it's hard to live up to this one.

Note: It's taking me too long to finish reading the book and write the review. So, I'll be writing the reviews in segments as I read along. I guess it'd be really fun when I decide to read Les Miserable.

How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman

Before I had kids, I used to say - if it takes me more than 10 minutes to make, it's not worth it. Also, I was so horrible and clueless about cooking (baking and anything else to do with food included) that when my husband ran to the kitchen because the cookies were burning, I calmly told him - "it's OK. Don't worry. Just flip them over!" I was completely ignorant about how cookies baked in the oven. And making a garden salad brought me to tears. This was my baseline.

Now, after two kids and seeing what horrible choices kids had when we ate out (it really didn't matter which restaurant and of course, we didn't have to order it from the kids menu, but why should it be that way?), I decided that I must learn to cook for our kids sake (my husband jokes that my love for him didn't induce me to cook, but my love my kids did. To that which I've answered, you can cook something for yourself. They can't). I was trying to stick to my old 10 minute rule, but with two young kids, it might take me 10 minutes to take the eggs out from the refrigerator let alone crack it and beat it. So, when I came across this book, I was intrigued by the title. How to cook EVERYTHING?

Well, even though I've bought about a dozen of cookbooks in the last ten years or so(remember, I don't like cooking), this is the cookbook I keep going back to. It's got great recipes for pancakes and waffles (no more mixes for us) as well as all kinds of soups. I also need to venture out more. This cookbook has whole menus for special days. I started photocopying my favorite recipes from other books and pasting it on to this book (because I might get rid of all the others, but I KNOW this is the one I'm going to keep). So, as a person who really doesn't like cooking and who is easily intimidated by cooking (I'm still very intimidated by yeast. I love baking breads, but all un-yeasted breads. For some reason, yeast, water temp, rising, etc. really intimidate the fledgeling cook within me), I love this book because it makes me feel like I can cook.